GRAY AND NATSU'S MAN TALK
by You.May.Not.Find.Me.In.Google
Summary: Forced to wait till the guild opens, Natsu and Gray share a drunken talk they'll wish to forget: everything from boobs, to magic levels, to certain celestial spirit mage and water girl, without forgetting the scary redhead and even some past talk... Yup, this would be so awkward if they were sober. ATTENTION: implied Nalu and Gruvia, but boys will be boys...
1. Chapter 1

"BRING IT ON! I'M ALL FIRED UP!"

"FLAMEBRAIN, WHAT THE FUCK DO YOU THINK YOU'RE DOING?! GET A HOLD ON YOURSELF, DAMMIT!"

"SHUT UP, YOU PERVERT! YOU AIN'T EVEN GOT PANTS ON!"

"Natsu! Gray! Are you two fighting?"

Erza Scarlet, Fairy Tail's Titania shot a cold glare at a pink-haired guy and a raven-haired on. Of course, they respected and feared her enough to pretend that what they were having was nothing but a friendly discussion and they got along as good as two young men could. It was around 10 p.m. on a weeknight, so the guild was not as crowded as it could be.

After Erza left to get some sleep, the two mages restarted their fight. Gray punching Natsu, Natsu kicking Gray, elbows sinking each others ribs, both rolling on the floor destroying whatever was close enough... A they fought, other people seemed to get dragged along the way: Elfman (FIGHTING IS MAN!), Max, Droy, Jet... Even Loke popped out of nowhere, given that there was no sight of Lucy.

"STOP THIS JOKE YOU JACKASSES CALL A BRAWL!" Laxus, Master Mararov's grandson (who had just been accepted back in the guild) had clearly had enough with the noisy action in there. "I'm trying to take a drink, dammit... You two!"

Natsu and Gray both looked as though they both wanted to fight him and hide. Natsu stepped forward with a big grin in his face.

"Fight me and then we'll-"

"Done." Laxus said after giving Natsu just one punch in the face. He then proceeded to grab him by the collar while he walked; once he got to Gray's side, he took him by the necklace with the other hand. He dragged them into a little room in which the booze was kept.

"Both of you will stay here 'till tomorrow. If you break out, I'll make you regret it." And then he shot the door.

"Asshole, it's your fault we're here!" the dark-haired mage said.

"My fault? I could say the same to you."

"Whatever, I'm not gonna stress myself trying to make you use the brain you don't have the way it should be used. The stupidity might be contagious."

"Shuddup! I challenge you..."

"Just cut it already, there's no space in here!"

"... To outdrink me."


	2. Chapter 2

Both of them had been sitting on the ground for a while now. Gray had sculpted two ice shooters and they were around their fifth round. Of course, the usual insults made their presence in between shots, that was until Natsu stopped and laughed.

"What's so funny, famebrain? You wanna give up already?"

"You wish, stripper! Put the stick outta your ass... I ain't even started yet. Jussayin, whoever loses has to dance like a chicken in front of Evergreen."

"That's the best bet you can make? How about this: whoever loses has to ask Cana out seductively the next time Gildarts comes back."

"Nah, too easy... We'll think of the punishment when you lose."

"Yeah, whatever, like that's gonna happen."

"WHOAAA HOLD IT THERE YOU PERVERT!" Natsu shouted, covering his eyes.

"What?" Gray looked down, only to find himself completely naked in front of Natsu. Needless to say, he proceeded to let out profanities and look for his underwear. After a short search, he finally found them on the ground and put them on. He punched Natsu in the face, but he barely noticed since he was too busy screaming "MY EYES! MY EYES!" over and over again.

"Oh my gosh, that was disgusting, man! I might be blind for eternity!" Natsu said, looking to the ceiling and rubbing his eyeballs.

"Just let it go, geez..."

"I'm serious, dude. Honestly, I think Luce is becoming more and more of a pervert now because of you. She's even starting with the stripping habits and stuff..."

"C'mon, like you don't enjoy it" said Gray, still trying to hide a blush from his past action.

"Of course I don't! I ain't a pervert like you!" Natsu said, now failing to hide a blush himself "Plus, Luce is weird."

"Just what do you call weird?" Gray asked, sweatdropping from the ridiculousness of the fire mage's statement "Anyways, what's between you two? I saw you coming out of her house quite early the other night."

"Oh, that... We slept together" Natsu said, not giving a lot of importance to his words.

"W-w-what?" Gray's face showed so much confusion even Natsu worried.

"Yeah, what's wrong with that? It's not the first time... I mean, she's usually upset in the morning but I guess that's because I never really ask her if she wants me to do it... It's that or her constipation issues" Natsu explained, making Gray's jaw to drop so low it might have touced the floor.

"Just what kind of relationship do you have? What kind of monster are you?" he said, now traumatized by the colossal amount of unwanted information he'd unknowingly asked for. "This is unbelievable... To think the day would come when this idiot would get laid before I would..."

"You're the worst in everything, Gray, you can't help it... By the way, what does gettin' laid mean?" Natsu asked, not seeming too interested.

"ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS?! THERE'S NO WAY IN HELL I'M EXPLAINING THAT TO YOU!" Gray then inhaled deeply, calming himself down, "I can't say I'm surprised, anyways. I can't believe I thought even for a second that you were capable of having any sexual experience whatsoever..."

"WATCH YOUR MOUTH, ICEFREAK! IN FACT, I WILL START GAINING SEXUAL EXPERIENCE OR WHATEVER IT IS YOU SAY RIGH NOW! COME HERE!" Natsu dared, making Gray nearly faint from the impression, then turn purple, then inexplicably start rolling on the floor laughing.

"What? What happened?" Natsu asked, clearly not understanding.

"You... Are... Such... A..." Gray couldn't control the laughs. Natsu was freaked by the ice-molding mage, which started laughing again. He stopped for a moment and sit up, gatering both shooters and refilling them. They both grabbed theirs, with Gray putting his in the air "Cheers! For Famebrain, who just now got the nerve to get out of the closet."

Bottoms up.


	3. Chapter 3

"I ain't sayin' she's ugly, but she scares the shit outta me. Like, I'm serious y'know? I'm not one to act like a pussy but, man, it's just like she came from planet Badass or something..." Gray said, chills running down his spine.

"I don't know, she just makes me get all fired up, you get what I'm trynna say? She's mega-scary but at the same time all I wanna do is fight her... It's just weird like that."

"Hey, hey, isn't little Natsu feeling all fired up because of Erza?" Gray asked, teasing the rose-haired fire mage for his word selection.

"Yeah... Like, the same way I get fired up with Laxus or Gildarts."

"Dude, honestly, everything you say just sounds so wrong."

"It wouldn't sound wrong if you weren't such a pervert."

"You wanna go, idiot?!"

"Shh... Less talking, more drinking" Natsu said, refilling both of the shooters, which were empty again soon after.

"Talking about sounding wrong... Do you realise we've both been in Lucy's body in a way?" asked Gray with a serious face.

"Yeah, so...?" Natsu replied, getting a little impatient.

"So... Don't you think it was weird that we just, y'know, had boobs? Like really big ones"

"I thought I was the only one that thought that way! I thought we weren't supposed to mention it."

"Whatever, we'll probably forget everything we said after I beat you up anyways."

"But really! Those things are so weird. I don't even know how they can live with them. I don't really see the point of them, to tell you the truth."

"You've gotta be kidding me... I'm sure they have a reason to be. I ain't complaining if there's not, I can't say I dislike them..."

"But no, I'm serious here... picture this: you're in a battle and wild stuff's goin' down, and then you can't run 'cuz your back hurts or they just keep bouncing. I'm just sayin', boobies are nor practical."

"I don't think they really mind the bouncing if serious shit's goin' down... And don't you think it'd be so weird if one day tits just disappeared? I'd de totally freaked out, in a bad way."

"Yeah... I guess... They're so soft though. Why aren't we soft?" Natsu asked "Know what? Forget I said that. I'm a tough guy, no softness needed."

"Everything you say just keeps giving me a weird impression of you... But how the hell do you know how they feel?!" Gray was, once again, freaked by Natsu (or rather, the concept of the so-called dumbass being... ermm... experienced)

"No comments." said Natsu, with a wide grin.

"I think I get an idea... I'm so unlucky, though. First time I get boob action it ain't even voluntary, plus I freeze the poor girl."

"Hahahahaha... You're such a stupid bastard!" said Natsu, now rolling on the floor, "Wait a minute... Didn't you freeze Juvia too?" said Natsu, realisation falling (miraculously) upon him.

"SHUT THE FUCK UP, YOU PANSY!" shouted Gray, red with embarrassment.

"Don't worry, man. I feel your pain, not the one of being a total failure, but the one in which boobs just find you, Lille that's your destiny."

Gray stayed silent for a moment, Natsus's words echoing in his mind. Damn right he was!

"Let's have another toast." Gray said, refilling the shooters ONCE AGAIN. "TO BOOBIES!"

"TO BOOBIES!"


	4. Chapter 4

"I CAN'T KEEP IT TO MYSELF ANYMORE, I NEED TO GET THIS OUT!" the ice mage looked like he was close to an emotional meltdown, his eyes showing how threatened he felt, "I've been gettin' this feeling that I'm being watched all the time, I don't know what's wrong with me. Wherever I go, I can feel someone's eyes on me. I can't even sleep at night, it's gettin' worse and worse everyday. I didn't want to tell anyone because I'd sound like a pussy, but I just can't handle this by myself any-"

"SHUT UP, BASTARD! What are you gonna do about it? Stop thinking that you're actually interesting enough to be stalked!." Natsu said to him after bitchlapping him epically, then falling on the ground heavily.

"I'm scared, Natsu. I'm actually watching Juvia everywhere... When I go on a mission she's there, when I head home she's there, her face's in the bushes, and behind stuff and just everywhere. I CAN'T EVEN TELL WHEN SHE'S ACTUALLY THERE ANYMORE! I'M GETTIN' MORE PARANOID WITH EVERY PASSING DAY!" Gray was crying. Really crying. With sobbing included.

"YOU'RE FUCKIN' DRUNK, PERVERT! AND PUT YOUR UNDERWEAR ON, IT'S FUCKIN' DISGUSTING'!" Natsu shouted, trying hard to get in a sitting position.

"You don't know what's like, dumbass... Everywhere I go I just keep gettin' creeped by people, even men for God's sake! I can't feel like I have any privacy."

"All I know it's that you're naked and that's plain disturbing. How do you even think of privacy when you go around like this? IT MAKES NO FUCKIN' SENSE!" Natsu shouted while he grabbed Gray's shoulders and started to shake him violently "STOP EMBARRASSING YOURSELF ANY MORE! YOU SOUND RIDICULOUS AND YOU'RE STILL NAKED!"

"WHY, NATSU? WHY DO I GIVE PEOPLE BAD LUCK?" Gray cried again.

"Because you're an unlucky bastard and you can't help it" Natsu answered simply, stoping the shaking.

"I'm serious here. I don't want anyone to protect me so much ever again. What the hell have I done to deserve it? It's always my fault, isn't it? Ul, Ultear... Everything ends up in my salvation, it's always me the one who gets out of it, it's not fair! WHY THE HELL DO PEOPLE EVEN LIKE ME? WHAT THE HELL DOES JUVIA SEE IN ME?"

"STOP!" the fire mage gave the ice maker a punch in the face "Listen to me, because there is no way in hell that I'm sayin' this again: the guild would be very different without you, and not in a good way. You're a pervert (and a damn huge one) but you wouldn't be yourself if you weren't naked half the time... It's just the way you are. You've proven to be brave an loyal and (no, stop sobbing, you pussy! I'm not done here!) you're a damn hard rival. I'm still better than you, but I don't expect you to be an easy win... Ul knew that you were all those, and she did what she did so that you could move on. Ultear wanted to atone, and her sacrifice is what let not only you, but most of us, stay alive. DON'T YOU DARE WEEP AND QUESTION THEIR CHOICES, BECAUSE THEY KNEW EXACTLY WHAT WAS GONNA COME WITH THEM!" Natsu spit, now looking angry "With Juvia... She's weird like that, but don't question it too much... Just don't hurt her either." Natsu was now calm. A deep silence took over the room as both of them laid on the floor looking at the ceiling and got into deep thought (yes, even Natsu).

"Natsu... Are you still looking for Igneel?" Gray asked, his sobs now gone. The usual calmness tool over his voice again.

"Yeah, of course I am. I will find him someday... After all, he's my father. I want to show him how strong I am now and... Just see him again. Oh, and introduce him to Happy, of course..."

"You'll find him, I'm sure... He'll be proud" Gray sat up slowly and with great difficulty, taking the bottle with him. Natsu did the same while Gray poured the next round "To Ul and Igneel And Ultear!"

"And future Lucy, too." said the dragon slayer.

And both of them drank the liqueur in one gulp.


	5. Chapter 5

The world was spinning violently around both of them. They were past their sixteenth round and their conversations were getting more and more incoherent. Both of their bodies were swinging as if they were in some kind of boat, swaying with the waves...

Wait, what?

"GRAAY!" Natsu called with (much) difficulty "I- I-"

"Wut now? Are you... Givin' up 'ready?" Gray asked, interrupting himself just because of the hiccups.

"No... I..." his words were interrupted by violent convulsions, which eventually led the dragon slayer to puke on the floor. Not only once did this happen; in fact, by the fourth time it happened Gray was already about to throw up himself. Simply disgusting. However, both of them were lucky enough to reach the level of intoxication in which they were no longer capable of perceiving the stench.

"Hey, hey, that's disgusting! You're crazy if you think... I'm willing to watch that again."

"Motion sickness... Not even... Being transported" Natsu spit, barely capable of making the words leave his mouth instead of all the booze he'd consumed.

"Don't talk.. Too drunk... It's gross, asshole..."

Natsu looked up at him, holding his knees for balance. When he spoke he had to breath heavily to make the words out."

"Say, Gray... Why did you see me... Come from Luce's house?"

"Wut? What are you... Talkin' 'bout?"

"You said... You saw me... In the morning... What were you doin' there?"

"Oh, that... I felt like I was bein' stalked... I walked to the guild... It happened to be in my way."

"I see... Juvia?"

"Most likely... I like her, but... I don't think I like her that way... I mean, I do, but sometimes I feel she's... Too fangirlish... Making a big deal out of everything I do... She's cute, and she's brave, and she's powerful... I can't say I'm not attracted to her... But I can't stand her when she gets all psycho, and that's like half of the time! The one she wants... It's probably not me... She's got me all wrong..." Gray was talking in whispers now, with a little confusion showing despite the heavy drunken tone. On the other hand, Natsu was a little too busy to pay attention to those details. He was drunk herself after all.

"Shut up, we were here already... You're a pervert, she's a psycho... It's like you were made... For each other..."

"Y'know flamebrain? If you were... A girl... You'd be a really annoying one... And fucking ugly... But you'd still be a comrade..."

"You're saying weird stuff... Like Luce when she talks in her sleep..."

"Natsu, do you like... Her? Lucy, I mean..."

"'Course I do! She's a comrade... And a friend..."

"But like something more?"

"Whadayamean?"

"Nothing... Just forget it... I was wondering."

"Ohh! I get it! Of course... Not! I've said it... She's weird..."

Their talk was interrupted once again by Natsu's vomiting, which led to and also vomiting Gray.

"How about Lissana? You like her?"

"No, you?"

"Nahh... Mira?"

"Nope..."

"Cana?"

"Cold."

"Levy?"

"Gajeel's."

"Right... Don't tell me... Erza?!"

"No, she's scary... And she's with Jellal or something..."

"Are you gay then?"

" What annoyin' questions! No, I ain't."

"Whatever... So are you tryin' to tell me you've never liked anyone?"

"We're a family... But I if I had to choose I'd pick Luce, just because her bed is comfy..."

"I knew it..."

Natsu then convulsed yet again, but didn't throw up. Instead, he half-passed out on the ground. "Luce, I don't feel well" he mumbled, unconscious.

"Friends, my ass!" said Gray, pouring more alcohol his shooter. "I guess I won..." But just before he drank the content of the little glass, his body too hit the ground and his conscious drifted away.

It was already 3:06 anyways, there were both gonna pass out sooner or later.

And this way, the morning came.


	6. Chapter 6

It was already one o'clock when Laxus returned to the guild. When he arrived there was an odd calmness proper of when Team Natsu was on a mission. What idiotic bunch of brats (except for Erza, the woman was obviously outstanding)... Loud, obnoxious, annoying... Yet, they deserved his recognition. Each of them had shown be their loyalty to the guild numerous times, and they all sure we're worthy of it.

"Laxus! How are you?" Freed greeted him, a smile on his face.

"Amazing as ever, how else would Laxus be?" Bixlow replied before Laxus could, his babies echoing his words.

"True that, true that" Freed conceded.

Evergreen wasn't there with them, something that had become more usual every time (not like they didn't hang out anymore, just less than before). The so-called fairy was very busy hitting Elfman with her fan and telling him to stop calling everything a man. That woman, always so cranky.

"Now, now. There's something I have to do... MIRA!"

Laxus walked towards the bar with two thirds of the Raijinshuu following him. Mirajane was smiling at him.

"Hey, Laxus! What can I get you?"

"Actually, it's about that room over there... You got the key?"

"Yes, but it's okay... Cana hasn't finished the beer and nobody has ordered something stronger yet, so there's no need to go for more booze right now. Why do you ask? Do you need something?"

"Hey, listen. It's not about the booze. There are two morons who have been there for more than twelve hours now, and I'm afraid if they spend any more time in that room their fights will destroy the guild."

"I'm assuming you locked Natsu and Gray in, right?" Laxus didn't reply, but just shrugged and looked away "Those two..." the beautiful Mage chuckled "Let's go! This might be interesting."

The four mages headed towards the storage room and Mira, smiling, swiftly opened the door. They weren't expecting the scene before them at all.

The room reeked strongly of alcohol, sweat and vomit; three bottles were broken on the ground, their contents spilled all over the floor. Two more empty bottles remained unbroken, each one nearby a half-melted ice object that looked like a shooter. Two young men laid on the floor, obviously knocked out; the raven-haired one lacked of any garments to cover his body, exposing every part of it. Not too far from there, something that looked like clothes were burning slightly. The pink-haired one was snoring fire, one arm around the other mages torso.

They were shocked.

"LAXUS, DON'T LOOK AT THIS!" Freed shouted, blocking the mages from his view.

"W-w-what...?" Mirajane stuttered, then fainted.

"Whoaa..." was all Bixlow was capable to say, removing his mask to make sure that he got the correct image. His babies echoed his disbleaf.

Laxus's eye twitched one time. Two. Three.

"WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON HERE?!"

Laxus's explosion made both men's eyes pop open. They looked at each other in confusion, then both glared at Natsu's arm as their faces gave in to realisation.

"WHY ARE YOU STILL NAKED?!"

"TAKE YOUR ARM OFF OF ME, YOU RAPIST!"

"WHERE ARE YOUR CLOTHES?!"

"THEY'RE BURNING IN THE CORNER, MORON!"

"PERVERT!"

"SAYS THE ONE WHO TRIED TO CUDDLE WITH ME!"

"SHUT UP, THAT'S GROSS!"

"GRAY-SAMA! HOW COULD YOU DO THIS TO JUVIA? AND WITH NATSU-SAN! I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN WHEN I SAW YOU WITH LYON-SAMA!" Juvia started crying and running to the door, barely watching her steps.

"Natsu, this is not going to be alright! Juvia will drawn us all!" Happy said, crying.

"it was about time you two accepted your relationship, no more beards needed! Come have a drink with me!" Cana giggled.

"Natsu... Gray... Men?" Elfman said in confusion. Evergreen had stopped hitting him, speechless.

"NO! THAT'S NOT HOW IT IS! WE DIDN'T DO WHAT YOU'RE THINKING!" Gray tried to convince everyone "JUVIA, WHAT THE HECK IS LYON GOT TO DO WITH ANYTHING?!" and then Gray left the guild, barely covering his privates with his hands.

"COME BACK HERE, ICEFREAK! IMMA BREAK YOUR BONES FOR THIS! I'M ALL FIRED UP, PUSSY!"

"PUSSY IS NOT WHAT YOU SEEM TO BE GETTIN', SALAMANDER!" Gajeel shouted "CONGRATULATIONS, HOPE YOU LAST LONG WITH THE ICEBOY! To be honest, I always pictured you with Bunnygirl, but who am I to judge?"

"N-Natsu..." Lucy whispered-shouted, her face as red as Erza's hair "What the...?"

"Who would have guessed it?" said Lissana, chuckling.

"It's despicable how some people can't keep their desires private. However, all I want to do is congratulate you, Natsu, from the bottom of my heart for your bravery in chasing a life of happiness alongside Gray."

"Natsu! Please tell me this whole you Gray thing is a lie..." Happy said, still crying.

"NO! I'M NOT WITH HIM! I WOULD NEVER BE! ERZA, YOU'RE CRAZY! AND I'VE NEVER EVEN GROWN A BEARD, CANA!" Natsu was spitting fire now, starting yet another brawl... The place ended up a mess in little time.

"WHAT IS THIS RUCKUS?" a strong voice was heard. Master Makarov had appeared, not looking pleased.

"Gramps! They're saying lies about me and Gray! They think we're a couple!"

"I see... And why?"

Natsu told Makarov about him and Gray being locked by Laxus, and the drinking contest (none of the talk, though).

"Well... As I see it, all that's left is cleaning the mess. Laxus, Gray and you will do it together, since you were the ones participating."

"I didn't take part in this idiocy! Those jackasses are the ones who..."

"You locked them in. You share responsibility as well."

And thus, a couple of hours later, the three mages started their punishment.

"So... You say you're not a couple" started Laxus.

"Absolutely not!" replied Gray immediately.

"Cool. Then tell me... Who do you find better looking: Cana or Mirajane? Not that I'm asking for any particular reason..." Laxus said the last sentence very fast, almost as to clarify something.

"Well..." started Gray "That's something to think of..."

"Who cares?" Said Natsu.

A/N: THANKS SO MUCH EVERYBODY! I HOPE YOU ENJOYED IT:) I had a blast writting this, and I needed to get that idea out of my head before starting to write the sequel of my other Nalu fanfiction... I thank all of those reviews, readings, follows and favourites. Have a nice day!

. . .GOOGLE


	7. BONUS: GAJEEL AND LAXUS JOIN THE TALK

**A/N: so... Here's a bonus chapter guys. I'm currently working on the sequel of my Nalu story, but I felt like I needed to take a break and just relax a little writing some of my favorite things: man talks. Thanks so much for all the positive reviews.**

Three men had just finished cleaning the guild. It was now past twelve and someone arrived to tell them to go home.

"Salamander, Iceboy, Laxus... Master Makarov says you get your asses out of here right now."

"Hold up, Gajeel. Loose yourself a little, we'll get out of here eventually. The old man can feel safe about the guild's well-being, damn hard did we clean it up. And just look at this two fuckers right here: they've got the biggest hangover right now. They got their heads and stomachs hurting so badly that I had to threath them with striking them."

Gajeel looked at them. Natsu and Gray were laying on the ground, eyes closed, and limbs sprawled freely. They were several feet apart, of course, as to reaffirm that the earlier "situation" was just the random result of a confusing series of events.

"Who knows what else they got hurtin'..." Gajeel smirked, and his remark made Laxus bark a laugh (much to the other two guy's dismay).

"Shuddup! We tryin' to sleep here..."

"Yeah, turn the lights off!"

"So you can get all lovey-dovey? No, better not risk it."

"IT WAS NOT LIKE THAT!" Both guys chorused in frustration.

"Here," said Laxus, with a mug of beer in each hand, "drink this. Best way to cope with hangover is rehydrating" he then gave each guy one of the drinks.

"You sure 'bout this? This is booze!" Gray said, opening his eyes.

"The fact that you two don't know the proper way to drink alcohol is none of my business. Mind yourselves, I'm being extremely nice, so I would advice you two to just grab the damn beer right fucking now." Natsu and Gray both shivered and pushed down the booze through their throats "Damn right, you'll feel better."

"Yo, Laxus, what's up with you, man? This is not like you at all" Natsu looked at him with beer running down his chin.

"Dunno... Just felt bad for you being in such a pathetic condition."

"Yeah, whatever. Salamander is at peace, Iceboy is clothed, Laxus is nice and I'm a motherfukin' unicorn, am I right?" Gajeel said, looking rather bored "Next thing you know, that pervert there dumps this asshole right here and goes lookin' for Juvia."

"Hey, hey, calm your horses! First of all, I'm not with Flamebrain. Second, what's Juvia got to do with anything?"

"You must be the second biggest dumbass I've ever met. The girl just run out of the guild screaming about Natsu being his new love rival and you don't take a hint?" Laxus looked exasperated. He had filled two more mugs, giving one to Gajeel and keeping one to himself.

"Yeah, Gray, you're such a dumbass!" said Natsu.

"You're the first one" said Laxus coldly.

"Damn right he is!" shouted Gajeel, brofisting Laxus.

"Shuddup, Gajeel! What about you and Levy, huh?" asked Natsu.

"What 'bout Shrimp?"

"You like her."

"Yeah so? What's the big deal?"

"Well...You haven't told her."

"I did. We're already together."

"You are?! Just how outdated am I?" Natsu said (miraculously aware that he lost the argument).

"Yeah... It's been a while actually. Some of us can actually do something about the girl we like."

"What the fuck does that mean?"

"Seriously, Flamebrain? Even I know about it!"

"Shut the fuck up, Gray! You're just as thick as he is. See what I mean? You two would be the dumbest couple, but at least you could share your idiocy and live happily ever after..."

"IT ISN'T LIKE THAT!" they shouted in unison once more.

"Well, if it isn't like that then tell me: when the fuck do you plan to make your move on Bunnygirl and Juvia?"

"W-what are you talkin' 'bout?" Gray stuttered, blushing "I mean it isn't like that either..."

"Yeah, right!" Natsu barked, laughing "That's not what you said last night."

"What about you? Luce, Luce, Luce... You wouldn't shut up about her!" Gray made Natsu shut up.

"But really, if you think Juvia's reaction was gold, Lucy's was priceless" Laxus told Natsu.

"What reaction?" The pink-haired dragonslayer asked.

"Let's just say you've got quite some explaining to do."

"Yeah, Bunnygirl got really traumatized from all this."

"She went home carrying Happy, barely talking to anyone" added Laxus.

"Shit."

"Yeah... I bet she's quite confused right now."

"But what a weirdo! Who overreacts so much about this stuff?" Natsu asked aloud.

"Your girlfriend does" replied Gray, matter-of-factly.

"Shuddup, Gray! And she's not my girlfriend, she's a comrade. Just go kiss with Juvia, maybe that way you'll care less about other people's business!"

"Maybe I will!" Gray replied, heating up for a fight.

It was then that a noise was heard and water started falling from the ceiling. The four mage looked up, only to see a very melted blue-haired girl with a wonderstruck look in her face.

"JUVIA! WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?!"

"GRAY-SAMA, JUVIA IS SORRY! NO MATTER HOW HARD SHE TRIED, JUVIA COULDN'T LEAVE GRAY-SAMA ALONE WITH HER LOVE RIVAL, SO JUVIA MADE SURE NATSU-SAN WOULD NOT TAKE ADVANTAGE OF HIM AGAIN!"

"I'M NOT YOUR FUCKIN' LOVE RIVAL AND I DIDN'T RAPE GRAY!"

"THAT'S EXACTLY WHAT LUCY-SAN SAID!"

"I'M OUT OF HERE!" shouted Gray, taking his clothes off and walking out the Guild's exit.

"BUT GRAY-SAMA, WHAT ABOUT KISSING JUVIA?" the girl stormed after him.

"I'm done, I'm going at Lucy's. She might have something for the headache." Natsu then walked out, rather slow.

It was then Gajeel and Laxus were left alone. They then sat on one of the tables and filled a second mug of beer.

"So... Levy."

"Yeah... Shrimp's pretty something."

"Uhmm... No reason in particular but... Would you choose Cana or Mirajane?"

"Just go with Freed."


End file.
